A Poem: Dobles

I have one more poem in Spanish that I thought I’d share. Before, poetry was for me, but there’s some cathartic element that I feel like can only be truly attained by sharing it. If we write to heal, then sharing what we write (in my mind) should be part of the process. I’ve joked on Twitter that all my poetry is sad–which is pretty accurate–and like my last Spanish poem, this one is also inspired by a more recent heartbreak. It’s raw (and again, I might’ve missed some grammar bits) and not all of the feelings are exactly the same as when I wrote it, but I hope you enjoy…

***

¡Siento independiente!
…y amargo al tiempo mismo…

Odio este conflicto.

Te extraño, te quiero, te amo,
Pero sabes eso.

Entonces, ¿sabes que estoy bien sin ti?
No genial, no fenomenal,
pero bien.

Porque, mientras que tenía tanto fe en ti,
tenía tanta esperanza en ti,
A pesar de que tengo tanto amor por ti…

Tengo más en mí misma.

Tengo fe en mí misma,
Tengo esperanza en mí misma,
Tengo amor por mí misma.

Nunca te necesitaba,
solo te quería.

y, me gustaba apoyarte
me gustaba estar contigo
me gustaba trabajar, bailar, besar contigo
Me gustaba compartir una parte de mi vid contigo.

No sé que pasó.
No sé que estaré en el futuro.

Quizás tu,
Quizás nosotros,
Quizás nada…

Por ahora, quiero que encuentras la felicidad.

Y quizás que puedo compartirla contigo en el futuro…

Por ahora, te envío mi amor, mi apoyo, todo a ti.

Me dijiste que estaba un extensión de ti
entonces… si eso es la verdad–

a algún nivel para amarte es que amarme

***

I feel independent
…at bitter at the same time…

I hate this conflict.

I miss you, I want you, I love you
But you know that.

But, Did you know that I’m fine without you?
Not great, not phenomenal,
but fine.

Because, while I had enough faith in you,
I had enough hope in you,
Despite having enough love for you…

I have more in myself.

I have faith in myself,
I have hope in myself,
I have love for myself.

I never needed you,
only wanted you.

and, I liked helping you
I liked being with you
I liked working, dancing, kissing you
I liked sharing part of my life with you.

I don’t know what happened.
I don’t know what’s in the future.

Maybe you,
Maybe us,
maybe nothing…

For now, I hope you find happiness

And maybe I can share it with you in the future…

For now, I send my love, my support, everything to you.

You told me once that I was an extension of you
so… if that’s the truth–

at some level, to love you is to love me